Danielle Valentine, little sister to Vincent!
by KukaruiValentine
Summary: After the Food fight, the crew has to wash up... and Sepihroth gets an icy bath!
1. Danielle Valentine ?

Cid huffed and tried his best to follow after the group, yelling at Vincent. "Where do you think you are going?"

Vincent shot him a cold glance and mumbled, "Danielle is alive, I know it... I just have to find her..."

"This isn't another girlfriend like that...that Lucrecia chick is it?" Barret asked.

Beth shot Barret a glance, "You mean my mother?"

Barret shut up.

"No... Danielle is my sister who I thought to be dead... She disappeared while I was still with the Turks..." Vincent said, rushing onto the Highwind. "Cid, drive us to the town of Bone Village..."

Cid looked at the crazy dead guy and started up the Highwind. "I think you're crazy, chasing after an old book about your sister that you found at who knows where!"

Vincent pulled out his Death Penalty and glanced at Cid, "Pardon me? Whose got the gun and whose got the wussy little spear?"

Cid grumbled, "It isn't that wussy..."

Tifa giggled in the corner, "I've seen him coming out of the shower, and yes, it IS that wussy."

Cid landed the Highwind as close to the small town as he could. Vincent was the first out of the ship, which was still in midair and caused him to fall onto the ground.

"DAMN IT VAMPIRE BOY WAIT UNTIL I $# LAND THE ($&()& SHIP!!!!!" Cid barked.

Nanaki ran off as soon as they landed and made sure Vincent was okay.

"No injuries..." Nanaki said.

"Just to his head..." Cid growled as he looked at the others.

"Then he's just fine..." Cloud said.

Vincent stood up a little woozily and rushed towards a small bone house at the edge of town. He flung open the door and ran inside.

Nanaki followed him into the dark and dusty house. "Nobody has lived here for years..."

Vincent looked around, "I know... me and my sister lived here after our parents died." He grabbed things and read books.

Cloud and the others decided to rest for a while and took a short snooze.

It was almost after midnight when Vincent yanked Cid out of his bed and took him by the hair out to the Highwind. Beth had been awake and saw this...

"Vincent... can I help you?" Beth said, running along side of Vincent, and poor Cid, who was being drug almost a mile.

"My sister... Danielle... I need to find her." Vincent said, dropping the half asleep and half drunk pilot at his feet. "Can you help us? I need to use the Highwind."

"You mean an adventure?" Beth said, smirking.

"What about the others?" Cid yawned,

"Leave them... they should be fine here... we won't be gone long, anyways." Vincent said, and both Cid and Beth followed him onto the ship.

"Where to Vincent?" Beth said, looking at the two books that he held in his flesh hand. His claw was empty, which was normal, because Beth knew he liked his claw about as much as she liked her own.

"The last entry in this journal says she was heading to the Gold Saucer to try to work." Vincent said, reading the dusty books. "It is dated almost twenty years ago..."

"And Vincent... may I ask why we are searching for her now?" Beth said as the Highwind took off.

"Because I found something about another Valentine in the Shin-Ra ruins, the census report." He smirked. "And she is my sister, after all... I do love her..."

Beth smirked.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, tell me why WE don't have that kind of relationship???" A voice behind Beth almost made her jump out of her gauntlet and dress.

"Because Sephiroth... we didn't know we were related until YOU were trying to destroy the planet..." Beth turned to look at her brother, who was joining them on this trip, like it or not.

"Geez, I just killed about a half of the population of the planet, do you guys have to bring that up every day? I on, can't a guy make a few little mistakes?"

"My mistake was letting YOU live and travel with us..." Beth said, holding her head at her temples trying to alleviate the headache that was her brother.

"On to Gold Saucer..." Cid said, yawning and lighting up a cigarette. At the same time.

"How dependant to those cigarettes is he anyways?" Sephiroth said.

"Let's just say that one of his limit breaks are 'I'm out of Cigarettes" Beth said. "He used it once... and mutilated the poor Master Tonberry..."

"POOR? POOR!?!" Cid barked, "Have you seen those things attack? It's horrible."

"That Tonberry had it coming, it took his last cigarette..." Vincent smirked.

Beth nodded, "Yes, but you didn't have to make it resemble oatmeal. Just killing it would have been alright."

"Besides," Cid said, "It took my last pack of cigarettes. Bad move on it's part."

"Is there an echo in here?" Vincent said, looking around.

Beth sighed and watched as Cid landed the plane near North Corel.

"It's getting light out... we'd better hurry." Vincent said.

"Yeah, don't want Vincent-vampire-boy to melt in the sun..." Sephiroth laughed at him. Vincent raised one eyebrow and shot Sephiroth in the arm. Blood trickled down Beth's arm. Beth growled and punched herself in the crotch, making Sephiroth fall over.

"Vincent, remember... since the final battle, if you hurt me... it hurts him and vice versa!"

Vincent shrugged and kicked Beth out of the Highwind and she landed right on Flapbeat that beat the crap out of her. Sephiroth screamed in pain as his leg broke and as he got all bloody from the beating. Beth stood up just fine and without so much as a scrape or scratch.

Sephiroth growled at this and stabbed himself in the arm with his sword. Beth yelped and ran her sword along her leg. Sephiroth began bleeding.

"ENOUGH!" Cid yelled, "We know you can hurt each other! STOP IT!"

Beth put her small charm on, and so did Sephiroth, their special charms that kept their pains to themselves. Beth winced and quickly used Cure3 on herself and Sephiroth.

"Onward to the Gold Saucer," Vincent said, running into the sleeping town of Corel.

"What do you plan on saying to every female there in the Gold Saucer? 'Pardon me, Miss... but I was just wondering if you have a brother and he is an undead shotgun toting fool that thinks he's hot shit?" Sephiroth asked as they rode the ropeway up to the Gold Saucer.

Vincent looked at Sephiroth and smacked him, then, terrified, glanced over at Beth.

"We are wearing our charms, so each one's pain is their own... you didn't hurt me..." Beth said smiling.

Vincent smirked widely and brought up his Death Penalty, Cid brought out his 'wussy' spear. Together, the two of them soon made poor Sephiroth resemble Cream of Wheat.

After they had beaten the tar out of Sephiroth, Vincent and Cid sat back down, then Vincent leaned in and whispered, "I owe you a date don't I?"

The Ropeway stopped and Beth stood up, but whispered to Vincent, "You owe me a lot more than JUST that... but I will accept your date..." Beth smiled as she gave her brother a potion to restore him to his pre-Creamy state. Then, with a gleeful laugh, she pushed her brother off the ropeway and onto... Nanaki.

"Nanaki? What are YOU doing here?" Vincent said.

Sephiroth was running around yelling about his flaming butt, courtesy of Nanaki's tail. Nanaki just sighed and looked at Beth, Vincent and Cid.

"I am here with Kukarui, as sort of a 'getting away from it all' sort of deal." Nanaki said, ignoring the Sephiroth who was now dragging his ass on the ground in order to put out the flames.

Cid glanced at Sephiroth and cast Ice3 on him, "Chill out, Dude!"

The icy attack left Sephiroth frozen from the chin down. He stood there as solid as a statue and super pissed off. He tried his best to move anything but failed in doing so, save for his mouth.

"GET ME OUT OF THIS HUNK OF ICE THIS ISN'T RIGHT ITS INHUMANE!!!!"

"Yes, Sephiroth, and so is killing half of the worlds population!" Beth smirked at her incapacitated brother, who was still trapped in his icy pair of 'shoes.'

"Ah, alright..." Vincent smirked evilly, "If you want out, we'll get you out."

"FIRE 3!!!" Cid and Vincent yelled together, enveloping Sephiroth in a blanket of flames.

"Now...shall we continue?"Beth said happily as Vincent and Cid rearranged their bangles that held their materia, and as Sephiroth lay helpless on the floor, a pile of dust.

Beth and the other two gentleman left Nanaki go on his way. Then the trio went along and went into the Gold Saucer station to find where this person they were looking for could possibly be.

"Hey... I'm rarin' fer ah drink... guys, hows about we git ta a bar 'afor' my 'angover gits back!?" Cidi said happily lighting a cigarette.

"Sure, I guess we could drop you off at the bar..." Beth said, looking at Vincent.

The trio walked to the bar, the newest addition to the Gold Saucer games and attractions. Beth pulled open the door and a cloud of smoke hit Vincent, Cid and herself in the face.

"Ah... I'm home..." Cid said, walking towards the bar.

"Come on, ya bags o' bones, get some balls and ante up!" A voice from the corner was saying.

Vincent turned around and saw, with his own eyes, his sister, Danielle, and three skeletons playing poker.

Danielle was a sight to behold, Vincent couldn't move as he saw his sister there. She had longer black hair than his, it was almost down to her ankles if she were standing. She wore tight black leather pants and vest, with a black leather hat pulled down over her forehead. She had two large silver wings, the feathers delicate and silver, with a black stripe down the center of each feather. Those wings were folded and hidden in a dark shadow. A cigar stuck out of her lip and she held a drink of whisky and coke in one hand and her playing cards in the other. Vincent couldn't believe it was her.

Neither could Cid, he had seen this angel from across the bar and sent her a drink of hard whisky and a can of coke. He walked over to Vincent who was frozen in time and, sipping his drink, asked him. "Ya know 'er?"

"Y...yes," Vincent stuttered, "She's my sister...Danielle."

Beth looked at the nice looking pale women dressed in leather, and smiled. "I can see the family resembliance..." Beth said, insinuating the pale skin of both brother and sister.

At the mention of her name, Danielle lost control of the skeletons she raised from the dead and looked up, causing a rainstorm of bones to hit the wooden floor.

"Who dare say my name?" Danielle said, cigar hanging out of her mouth, as she drank all of her whiskey and coke that Cid had sent her. She did this without removing her cigar from her mouth. Puffs of smoke came off the cigarette as the drink disappeared down her throat.

"I think I'm in love..."Cid said, putting his hand over his heart for a moment, before taking a moment to remove yet another cigarette from the pack on his hat and lighting it up.

"Cid!" Vincent hissed before looking at his sister, "Danielle..." He stepped forward.

"VINCENT! You dirty old hog's ass! Where the FUCK have you been for the last thirty years?" Danielle sprung to her feet and ran to either hug or kick the shit out of her older brother.

"Long story short, I'm undead now..." Vincent said, showing a smile that he hadn't shown in years. "How are you?"

"Ya know, same ol' same ol'... Necromancer and shit." She said, the cigar smoldering out. She grabbed another one out of her belt and reached for her lighter.

"Allo' me!" Cid said, flicking his own lighter in an attempt to get her attention. She gladly accepted the light, then hissed at him.

"And YOU are?" She said, taking a deep inhale of smoke and blowing smoke rings.

"Sis...this is Cid Highwind, a fellow hero of mine..." Vincent said.

"Ahhhh.......yes... the heros..." Danielle smirked as she exhaled, something affectionately called the 'dragon smirk' "I've heard ALL about them...nothing much about YOU..." Danielle and Vincent continued to talk for a while.

"Cid...stop drooling, you're going to put my tail out..." A harsh voice said.

Cid looked down and saw Nanaki there, growling at him. "I'm not drooling."

"Yes..." Nanaki smiled, looking at Danielle, "You were....and now I can see why."

Beth had stood in the corner for some time, the tobacco smoke interfering with her powers from her Mako infusions. She wanted desperately to get away. "Vincent... can we chit chat elsewhere with your sister?"

Danielle's gaze turned to Beth, who seemed to shudder, even though she had stared into the eyes of her own brother and father and never faltered. There was something different about those eyes... they were... silver and cold, yet warm... Danielle finished off her drink in one gulp and inhaled again on her smoking cigar. "And who are you?" At the end of each word, Danielle blew a ring of smoke into her face.

Beth choked and gasped for air, tobacco smoke filling her airways. Vincent walked over to her and gently grabbed her shoulder and led her outside, "Sis...follow..." Vincent said.

Once outside, Beth took deep breaths of the clean air... mumbling something about how bad it was that they were traveling with ONE smoker.

Danielle was even more eerie in the light of the station. "And I repeat to you..." Danielle said, walking over to Beth, looking her over... "Who..." She exhaled a ring of smoke... "Are..." Another ring of smoke... "You." The ring encircled Beth's head and she coughed before awnsering.

"My name is Beth. Hojo. Valentine." Beth said, straining the last word of her sentence.

Danielle glanced at Vincent, "Can undead get married?" She seemed to be mocking him. "I mean, to a living girl?"

"Beth isn't living, she is undead like me..." Vincent said, happily, "And yes, we undead CAN get married, but only in Las Vegas..."

Beth, Cid and Danielle stopped for a second and looked at Vincent, who continued.

"This is Beth, my wife... and sister of Sephiroth....and daughter of the late Lucrecia and Dr. Eugene Hojo."

"LUCRECIA??? DEAD!" Danielle roared, "And you are married to you're ex-lovers DAUGHTER? Did some random monster cast confuse on you!"

"I do beg your pardon, but that is MY sister you are talking about..." Sephiroth said, walking out from behind the shadows, and for once, Beth was actually glad to see her older brother.

Danielle turned around and smiled, seeing the beauty of Sephiroth's evil. "Did I say something wrong?" Danielle squeaked mockingly before turning and looking directly at Cid, her cigar still in her mouth.

"And who is this man here?"

"I'm stanin' righ' 'ere...ask me yaself!" Cid said, flicking his lighter.

Danielle grabbed the lighter and light her next cigar. Then in her sweetest tone she looked at Cid, "Who are you..." She said, and Cid almost lost himself in the gaze of those eyes.

"M...my name is Cid Highwind... I drive da ship tha' takes us from 'ere ta dar!"

"Cid...and Sephiroth..." Danielle smiled evilly before turning back to Sephiroth.

"Sooooooo..." Danielle said, inhaling a deep puff of smoke. "My brother is married to YOUR sister..." She exhaled in his face, which became full of tears as he tried to get away from the smoke.

"Yes." He stood his ground and smirked.

"What did you have to say about that?"

"Nothing much... I was out at the time." Sephiroth said, growing more and more comfortable.

"And with a sword like that... you let them both live?"

"I can't hurt my sister... it hurts me too..." Sephiroth tired in vain to explain what was going on with him and his favorite twin sister named Beth.

Danielle talked to the group for almost an hour before she stood to leave. "I must be going bro..."

Vincent grabbed her arm and looked at his sisters' silver eyes. Their pupils were just slits in the moonlight.

"Danielle... please... come with us."

"On one fuckin' occasion!" Danielle said, lighting another cigar, Cid took a deep breath and sighed.

"Name it sis... you got it." Vincent said, holding his wife's hand.

"I want to share a room with Sephiroth and Cid."

Cid, Beth, Vincent and Sephiroth all did an anime fall. Vincent was the first one on his feet and glanced at his sister.

"You're serious?" He said, his scarf dropping enough to see his mouth. Beth gasped and stood up beside her.

"Yes, I want to get to know Cid better at least..." Danielle said.

"I think you may like Captain Cid's room better than bro's..." Beth said, nodding at Danielle, "Sephiroth lives in the chocobo cage."

"Why is that?" Danielle shot a glare at Beth.

"I tried to kill a few..." he hesitated as Cid and Beth stared at him, "half the world's population, so I am... besides..."

Vincent smiled, "It's the only room left."

"And they are so nice to me, they even let me sleep in as late as I want to, plus, they keep me safe at night with a big metal padlock so nobody else can get in!" Sephiroth beamed.

"Yet he still gets out without us knowing..." Beth hissed.

"Is he Captain Oblivious or what?" Danielle said.

"Nah, that would be Cloud... you haven't met him yet..." Vincent said.

"I'll come... Cid... but tell me you have some good booze." Danielle said, lighting up another cigar.

Cid just nodded and smiled.

_Now there is Danielle... sort of a Cid/Vincent/Sephiroth/her own way hybrid. In one word, Danielle._

_Sorry about how long it took, now that I have a job it's kinda hard._

_Keep those reviews up! Love you all!_


	2. Can't Cid drive this stupid thing?

Danielle walked towards the airship, looking at her brother, Vincent.

"So, where is Cid's room?" Danielle smiled, lighting up another cigar.

"Upstairs, allow me to show you..." Cid smiled, taking her hand.

Danielle's smile turned to a sinister grin. "I'd like that..."

On the way to the Highwind, a monster... a Velcher Task, attacked them.

"WHY THE HELL IS A MONSTER ATTACKING US HERE!" Beth screamed, pulling her sword out from behind her back.

"Even better, why is a monster that is indigenous to Rocket town in the area around North Corel?" Vincent sighed, pulling his gun out from under his cloak.

Danielle sat back, leaning against a tree. "Go fight." She pointed at Vincent.

"Pardon?" Vincent glanced at his sister as she pointed at him.

"I'm a necromancer... I control the dead, and you and your 'wife' is dead...so go fight." Danielle smiled as Cid was hit by a poison blow from the monster.

"NO, I am not going to fight for you..." Vincent said.

"Vincent!" Beth hissed, missing as she hit at the monster, "Just fight!"

"I am not going to fight for her..." Vincent said, starting to whine.

"I said... GO FIGHT!" Danielle said, puffing on her cigar.

Vincent gave up and glanced at the monster, who was now about to eat Cid, who was knocked out cold from poison. Vincent sighed and took one shot, hitting the monster between the eyes and killing it instantly.

Danielle ran over to Cid and gave him a potion.

Cid jumped up and glared at Vincent, "Couldn't you have done that before I almost became Monster Chow?"

Vincent shrugged, "Nah..."

Danielle looked around, "Where is Sephiroth?"

An acorn fell out of the tree that Danielle was leaning on, and Beth pointed her sword up.

There was Sephiroth, clinging to a high branch to a tree. Danielle smiled and smirked at him, "Come down here."

Sephiroth lost his grip on the branch he was clinging to and fell quickly out of the tree and landed with a loud thud on his face besides Danielle.

Sephiroth growled and looked at Danielle, "How did you do that?"

"I'm a necromancer, and technically... you are dead." Danielle smirked.

Sephiroth stood up and sighed, knowing that she was right.

They group continued to the Highwind with no other attacks. Danielle screamed as Cid took off and threw the rest of the others to the back of the Highwind. Beth grabbed out for what she normally used during these suicide take offs to steady herself, Vincent, but instead, grabbed Danielle on her leather clad chest.

"Whoa...brother... I didn't know you're wife swung both ways!" Danielle said, looking at Beth's terrified, bright red look on her face.

Vincent glanced at his woman and gave a smirk, "If I had known... I'd be the happiest man in the world right now."

Cid lit up again, "Don't be going Mormon or getting extra wives now."

Danielle turned and looked at Cid, blowing her own smoke in a shape of a dragon towards him "I am his sister..."

Beth added, "Yes, I hope that he isn't into that incest stuff."

Cid began to dance, "Incest is best, put your sister to the test..."

Danielle smacked him, causing him to fly towards the back of the ship. The plane, now without the navigator, turned it's nose up towards the sun as the last thing Cid did was pull the stick up in attempts to regain his footing. It was only a minute that the airship stayed straight up on it's rear rudders. Everyone went flying towards the back, and, subsequently landed on Cid.

The plane froze for a moment and then lurched forward, it's nose aiming towards the ground.

Everyone flew towards the front of the cabin. Danielle was crushed below Vincent, Sephiroth, Beth and half the crew. Cid held onto a metal bar that was suspended above the cockpit. He held on until he saw his small sticks of cancer-causing goodness...also known as his Llama brand cigarettes... go flying out of his hat where the pack always lived and took the path that gravity requested of them.

"MY CIGARETTES!!!!" Cid yelled, doing a Matrix style jump as he dove for the scattering cigarettes. He raced to pick up his babies as the airship continued its earthward plunge.

"CID!!!!!!!!!!" Beth cried, her cry muffled by the arm of one Vincent Valentine. She was painfully pressed against the glass of the airships main window, and also one Danielle Valentine... who wasn't happy about it. Beth then cried in pain as her rear end was set aflame by a cigar from Danielle. Beth tried her best to move, but with the momentum... she couldn't.

"CID HIGHWIND!" Danielle cried, completely muffled, then she sighed, "I never thought smoking would kill me in this way!"

Cid managed to scoop up several of his precious smokes and then realized that they were doomed if he didn't do something soon. He heroically grabbed the steering stick and pulled it up, just as the airship was about to splash into the ocean. There was a wave that erupted on either side as the huge airship slid on the top of the water. Everyone sat still for a moment and looked around before Danielle screamed and pushed all of them to the rear of the ship, save for Cid, who was trying to pull the ship up so they wouldn't run into another problem... the fast approaching mainland. It took a few moments more before Beth realized that her butt was still on fire, then did a dance around the cockpit trying to put the flames out.

"Cid, pull this up!" Danielle said.

"Listen, if I do too fast, the tail will get waterlogged and we will crash..." Cid said, lighting a cigarette with one hand.

"And if you don't, we are going to crash anyways..." Danielle said, grabbing the cigarette from Cid's mouth. "And if you don't mind, we have almost died once today because of your smoking habit..."

Beth was currently dragging her butt on the carpet to quench the flames, which worked. She sighed and sat for a moment before standing up and bending over to remove the splinters from her rear.

Sephiroth was laying on top of Vincent, both out cold.

Danielle glanced at her brother and Beth's brother. "Beth, do you happen to have a camera on you?"

Beth plucked a splinter from her butt and then handed Danielle a instant develop camera and Danielle took a picture of the two out cold siblings in quite a compromising position. The click of the shutter alerted both males to their predicament. Sephiroth, the male on top, was thrown unceremoniously towards his cage, making an impressive indentation in the bars as he was stopped suddenly by the unforgiving metal. Vincent stood up and looked at his sister and wife, the two roaring with laughter.

"LANDING!" Cid yelled as the airship crash landed next to Bone Village, where the others had been left. Everyone lurched to the side as the ship cried in pain and stopped after skidding for a few feet.

"Thanks for the warning." Danielle said, trying to figure out how someone who drove like that ever made Captain...

Sephiroth's cage was locked and he was returned to the Chocobo room... where several sick Chocobos lay trying to recuperate from the days flying snafu.

"HEY!" Sephiroth screamed, "It smells like bird poop in here..."

"It's going to smell a lot worse soon..." Beth said, making sure Sephiroth's cage was locked. "That chocobo in the corner isn't a green one..."

"Then why is it green?" Sephiroth asked as the bird leaned over to his cage and covered him in a marvelous and impressive shower of green bird vomit.

"EWWW!" Danielle said as the others shut the door.

"All ashore who's going ashore!" Cid yelled as the hatch was opened so the others and himself could disembark.

"GET ME OFF THIS THING!" Danielle cried, running off the ship and into...Cloud.

"AH!" Cloud yelled, "MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He drew his sword.

"Impressive..." Danielle said, "But not impressive enough." She took a stance and drew out her sword... and raised three skeletons.

_OH NO! Cloud and Danielle are going to fight? Say it isn't so! I will try to post the next chapter soon... otherwise my significant other may not be too fond of me... (gets mad when I don't post on this among other stories)_

_So...stay tuned._


	3. New Grit Flavor, Cloud!

_Okay, as an response to one of my reviewers... Yes, Danielle can control Vincent and Beth, but Vincent, being a typical brother type, fights and argues his sister even when she tries to control him (Notice that he finally did as she told him, but with some fighting)_

Cloud looked at Cid and Vincent and smirked, "You are outnumbered fiend." Cloud looked at Vincent and Cid, "Come help me fight this thing!"

Cid and Vincent knew better, they both shook their head, "No way, Cloud listen to me..." Vincent began.

Danielle sighed as Cloud grabbed both Tifa and Barrett, neither of whom had ever seen Danielle before either.

Beth winced and took shelter in a nearby tree, a safe distance from the fight.

"Danielle... CLOUD! TIFA!" Vincent stood in between the fighters.

Barrett growled, "Sure, forget me again!"

Danielle frowned, "Don't forget him!" She wagged her finger at Vincent.

Danielle dodged out of the way, just as Cloud let out a Lighting attack that hid Vincent.

"Uh, sorry Vincent..." Cloud said, tossing a potion haphazardly towards him, hitting Vincent in the head. "I have to destroy this monster..."

"CLOUD!" Beth began pelting the moron with acorns. "CLOUD!"

Cloud stopped and looked up and sighed, "No time..."

Danielle returned fire with a huge wheel of fire, Tifa and Cloud and Barrett all dove out of the way, and the wheel ran over to the tree where Beth was perched, burning it to a crisp.

Beth fell out of the tree, onto Cid, who was hidden behind the same tree. Cid, during the time that Beth was suspended in the air, screamed like a woman in a shower and tried to cover himself as if he were naked. Then Beth fell onto Cid.

Cloud returned fire with Shiva, the queen of ice. Shiva came out when summoned and looked at Danielle, then shook her head and retreated quickly.

"What are we going to do?" Vincent said, still trying to put the remaining flaming strands of hair out as he talked to Beth and Cid, "Cloud will kill Danielle."

"Cloud can't possibly kill Danielle... there is no way of that, she is too strong willed for that." Beth smirked.

"Yeah, I'm more worried about Captain No-Brains and Plastic-Girl over there." Cid smirked, lighting up a smoke, from the same pack that almost killed them in chapter 2.

"Don't forget Mr. T over 'ere..." Barrett said, then grew quiet.

Tifa had heard them, she turned her head and screamed, "I HEARD THAT! AND THEY ARE NOT FAKE! THEY ARE REAL!"

"Expensive..." Beth added as she sat back to watch the skeletons now beat the tar out of Cloud, messing up his hair in the process.

Vincent decided to put a stop to this before Danielle got seriously injured for messing up Cloud's massively pointy hair.

Vincent ran quickly to the airship and down to the chocobo room.

"Vincent?" Sephiroth said, looking up from the wash basin where he was just finishing cleaning off the chocobo vomit.

"Sephiroth, I know... I shouldn't be asking this," Vincent took a deep breath, "But I need your help..."

"Oh, what is wrong dear Brother-in-law?" Sephiroth mocked him.

"Danielle is in danger." Vincent's face was pulled tight in a scowl.

Sephiroth's demeanor changed and he let out a low, deep growl. He slammed himself against the bars, "LET ME AT THE MONSTER THAT IS HARMING HER!"

"It's Cloud." Vincent said, unlocking the cage.

"LET ME AT HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" Sephiroth became a blur.

Outside, Cloud suddenly vanished from the field of battle, and without their fearless, clueless leader Tifa and Barrett didn't see the immediate threat.

Vincent came running out of the airship and towards the direction that Sephiroth flew. Vincent soon found Sephiroth beating the tar out of Cloud and making him resemble grits.

Danielle walked over and looked over Tifa, then smiled, "My name is Danielle Valentine."

Tifa's jaw dropped almost to the floor. "DANIELLE?"

Sephiroth stopped beating Cloud and looked up, "Where is she? Is she alright?"

Cloud looked like something a cat threw up, but he was coherent enough to look up, "DANIELLE?"

"Yes, knucklehead, that 'monster' is my sister." Vincent said.

"Oops..." Cloud chuckled.

Beth looked around at all the others and they all nodded, then jumped into a pile, all trying to get a piece of Cloud, while poor Cloud was in the middle, trying not to be torn into a million pieces.

Hours later, while Cloud lay in a full body cast on a nearby bed, the rest of the group sat around talking to their newest member.

Barrett looked at the new woman and smiled, "I think I am going to like this..."

Cid drank the last of his beer. Danielle looked at Beth, "Go fill it up for the man."

Beth, without hesitation, jumped up and grabbed the empty glass and went to the kitchen to fill it up with beer.

Vincent scowled at his sister, "Don't do that to us."

Danielle, sitting on Sephiroth's lap, just laughed, "I can do whatever I want, if I say jump..." She pointed at Vincent, who leapt up and started jumping.

Tifa giggled, thinking it rather funny as Beth brought the beer back for Cid.

Vincent growled as he kept jumping. "This... is... so... wrong..." Vincent jumped between each word.

"Enough Vincent," Danielle said and Vincent, in midair at the time, fell onto his face. Beth sat quietly waiting for Danielle's next command.

"I can't even fight it any more..." Vincent growled, picking himself up off the ground.

"Barrett...do you need anything right now? I have three slaves that are willing to do whatever you want them to do..." Danielle smiled, ruffling Sephiroth's hair. Sephiroth just smiled.

"Vincent, I'm going to bed... I'm tired." Beth said, standing up from the couch.

"Okay." Vincent said.

"Are you sure you don't want to go clean up the kitchen?" Danielle said.

"DANIELLE!" Vincent said, "She's tired. Let her go to bed..."

"No, she is going to go clean the kitchen until it sparkles and shines..." Danielle said, pointing at Beth.

Beth lowered her head. She knew that she couldn't fight it.

"MAKE SEPHIROTH DO IT!" Vincent said, "Beth is tired..."

"No, the more you argue the more I am going to have your wife do... Beth, go clean the kitchen and then go wash two loads of clothes, then go wash out the chocobo cages with Vincent's toothbrush and then..." Danielle said, Beth was on the verge of tears, standing up against her will.

"ENOUGH!" Vincent grabbed his gun and pointed it at Danielle's head, "SISTER! Please...don't make her do that."

"Vincent, put the gun away." Danielle said quietly. Vincent automatically put his gun back in the holster. He still wore a scowl on his face.

"Just because you can control us doesn't mean that you can treat my wife like that..." Vincent said, trying to hide his anger.

"Just because you are my brother doesn't mean that you can tell me what to do." Danielle stood up and look at Vincent and Beth.

"Danielle, I love you, you are my sister...but please, just ask us to do these things... we will if you ask us nicely." Vincent said,

"Vincent, you of all people should know that the word 'Please' isn't in my vocabulary, at least, not all of the time." Danielle smiled.

"Sister..." Vincent clinched his teeth in rage again, "Dearest..."

"Oh just go away!" Danielle glared at both Beth and Vincent, who were flung backwards into their room. Danielle had forgotten for a moment that she could control them.

"Wow, I've never seen those two move so damned fast in my entire life..." Tifa said.

"Yeah." Sephiroth said, "Except for the time I was chasing them..."

Everyone continued talking as Vincent and Beth were in their room, not allowed by the necromancer to return to the living area, not that they wanted to at the time.

Cloud lay still in his bed, still not recuperating from the pummeling he received earlier that day.

"Shouldn't we give Cloud a potion? He is our leader after all..." Nanaki said, somehow reappearing after a long day of being missing in action with his mate, Kukarui.

"Nah," Danielle shook her head.

"No" Tifa said too.

"Uh-huh" Barrett smiled.

"Don't think so," Cid said.

"Let me think...no." Kukarui agreed with them.

Nanaki looked around at all the people who were disagreeing with him and shook his head before turning around to retire for the evening.

"Hey," Barrett said, "Where is Cait Sith and Yuffie anyway?"

"Yuffie?" Danielle said, "Who is that?"

"Me." Said the young ninja who was hiding from the rest of the group.

"Yuffie, do you have our materia again?" Tifa asked.

"No..." She looked at the group, her smile showing.

"Give it up..." Barrett grabbed the teenager.

"I don't have it..." Yuffie moved away from Barrett, tearing her backpack, a shower of materia hit the floor.

"Oh? You don't have ANY of our materia." Tifa grinned.

"Woah, a thief, sounds like my sort of girl." Danielle said, sipping at a drink, sitting back on Sephiroth's lap. Yuffie, not use to seeing Danielle, screamed and took off running.

_Here we go again, Danielle is such an interesting person._


	4. Trouble R Us

Yuffie's gonna get it!

_In this, hopefully, long chapter, we discover more about Danielle and Vincent... more about Danielle and Cid, and more about Danielle and Beth. (See a pattern here?)_

"Sounds like my kind of girl!" Danielle sneered, talking of Yuffie, sitting on Sephiroth's lap, constantly sipping her whiskey and coke.

"She's always been doing that...stealing our materia" Cid said.

"Where is MY materia?" Danielle said, reaching into her Gold Rune bracelet than hung on her right arm. "She took that too?"

She stood up, "Sephiroth, come... nobody takes my shit and lives to tell the tale."

Barret's eyes crossed, "Why does it suddenly smell like Cloud's room in here?"

Tifa laughed, "You mean splooge? Yeah, it does smell like that..."

Sephiroth turned a deep shade of red.

Danielle blushed, "Go clean up Sephiroth, I'm sorry, I forgot that the dead take things seriously."

Sephiroth's face was brilliant red, "Quite... alright." he whispered, looking down, "May I be excused to go to my cage now?"

Danielle nodded, then took off towards where Yuffie had run.

Cid sighed and picked up a few pieces of materia, "Well, all mine is here..." He said, replacing the small orbs.

Danielle chased Yuffie to the large eating room on the north end of the ship before catching up with her. "Give it back"

"I have nothing" Yuffie sneered, trying to find a way to escape.

Danielle's eyes began to glow, and Yuffie knew what was happening, this weird ass woman had hit her limit break.

Danielle's wings flapped and she became airborne. Yuffie couldn't escape, Danielle was blocking her only escape route.

Danielle released her Ultimate attack, called 'Hell's Fury,' just as Cloud, now getting over the earlier attack, came walking into the room in his search to find something to eat.

A hole in the floor opened and several large demons came out and looked at Danielle, who instructed them, "Go beat the tar out of her... and him too."

Cloud's eyes widened as he saw four large goat-demon things rush towards him and proceed to make him resemble something one would find on the bottom of one's shoe.

Yuffie dropped all of Danielle's materia, and while the demons were pommeling Cloud to oblivion, she managed to make her escape.

By this time Danielle had realized that she was beating Cloud.

"Hmm... Hey Guys..." She said, as she fell silently to the ground and leaned against the door.

The four demons looked up at her, one hand his fist pulled back, ready to harm the man.

"Call it a day,"

The one demon punched Cloud's face one last time and sighed as they all jumped back into the opened gate.

When the last one was gone, Danielle walked over to Cloud and shook her head, "I NEED A LIFE2 IN HERE!"

Barret came in and stared at the remainder of what was once suppose to be Cloud, "Damn, what happened?"

"Yuffie pushed me to my Ultimate attack... nobody takes my materia." Danielle said, calmly pushing her materia back into her Gold Rune Bracelet and smoothing her wing feathers. "Cloud just got in the way..."

"What was all that noise up here?" Beth hissed, climbing the stairs from the chambers.

"Danielle... and her limit break." Cid said, walking into the room and looking down at Cloud, who closely resembled a piece of old chewed gum someone threw on a sidewalk.

"Note to self, Vincent... don't piss your sister off..." Beth said, looking as Vincent climbed the stairs, adjusting his headband.

"Isn't a note to self intended for..." Tifa said, shaking her head, "Nevermind."

"Cid, where are we going today? Can we have some FUN?" Danielle said, looking as Barret cast Life2 and Cid cast Cure3 on the smudge on the carpet.

"You know, I'm not sure..." Cid said, "What do you think Nanaki?"

Nanaki had just come from the bathroom, where he must have washed his very hair, which was now very damp. "I don't know..."

Barret spoke up next, "I say let's go find and pester some Turk-scum..."

Nods all around.

"Okay, off to Neo-Midgar then." Cid said, walking into the cabin by himself.

What only seemed like Nano-seconds later, the entirety of the occupants of the entire Highwind were, helped immensely by momentum, thrown to the back wall of the rooms they inhabited.

The Highwind made its typical crash landing close to Neo-Midgar, sending all the inhabitants, now all healthy and in the flight control room, flying helter-skelter.

Vincent picked himself up off the floor in his typical silent huff. Yuffie had come face to face with Sephiroth, and Barret had accidently shoved his gun arm through Sephiroth's rear end, causing him much, much pain.

Cid had held onto the controls, as usual.

Cloud, now all better, lay, dangling on a rafter, looking down at everyone.

Nanaki was shaken, his tail catching Vincent's cape on fire.

Kukarui, just having joined the group, landing in a fashion that causes this story to be rated 'R,' her face planted against her mate's...nether region.

Danielle was thrown back onto the floor, and Beth, shocked and confused, lay on top of her.

Cait Sith, at some point joining the group, was knocked out cold, sprawled upon the learning piolet.

"Hey bro, your wife is still trying to get in my pants!" Danielle laughed, light hearted about Beth's perdicament.

"I am not!" came Beth's muffled response, because her face was implanted between Danielle's breasts.

"Sounds to me like you are..." Vincent said, sniffing the air. "Who's roasting something for dinner?"

"Uh, you are on fire again, Vincent..." Nanaki said, hiding his tail, "I don't know how that happened at all!"

"Uh huh...sure." Vincent shot him a look before stomping out the flaming cape.

Danielle pushed Beth off of her with such a force, it sent Beth flying across the room and into her husband.

Both Beth and Vincent fell onto Nanaki.

It took only a few moments before Beth jumped up screaming, her butt scorched by the flaming tail of one Nanaki. She danced wildly around screaming. "MY BISCUITS ARE BURNING! MY BISCUITS ARE BURNING!"

Vincent cast Ice on himself to cool the engulfed fabric of his cape and sighed.

Cid scowled, "You guys are always pestering me about 'crash' landing, learn to take a good hard landing like a man!"

Danielle rubbed her head, "But I am a woman... and I prefer it that way."

Beth agreed, "Yeah!"

The group exited the Highwind, intent on one thing, just causing trouble.

"Danielle, Vincent, Cid, Beth, Nanaki, Kukarui and Sephiroth, you guys go that way... Tifa, me, Barret, Cait, and Yuffie will go this way..." Cloud said.

"Okay... hey, why does he always tell us where the fuck to go?" Danielle said, lighting up her cigar with Nananki's tail. Cid laughed at this.

"I do this all the time." Cid said, taking Nanaki's tail and lighting his own smoke.

Nanaki sighed, "What am I, just a furry lighter?"

"Yeah."

"Yes,"

"Uh-huh!"

"Sure."

Nanaki sighed, "Are we going to go look for the Turks or are we just going to sit here and talk about the many uses of my tail?"

Kukarui snickered, "I know another use... that these humans couldn't think of..." She smiled as she followed the group.

Vincent looked around, "Well?"

Danielle sneered, "What's the matter Vincent? All those years as a Turk and you don't remember where to find them?"

Vincent grumbled.

Beth thought, "Bar."

Danielle laughed, "Where you a Turk too?"

Beth nodded, "Yes."

Danielle shook her head and followed Beth, who now was unoffically in the group's leader, as she walked to the nearest bar.

"HEY RENO!" Beth yelled at the top of her lungs. The redheaded, drunken Turk looked up at her with little interest.

"I think he just said 'fuck off' in his normal Reno-type way." Vincent said.

Beth growled. "COME ON RENO! We wanna fight you!"

Reno stood up and shook his head, "No way, you guys are going to beat the living fuck out of me, and personally, I do not wish to be so harmed, I've got plans later..."

Vincent sneered, "What sort of plans?"

Reno smiled, and turned his back, "Ones that do not involve using a Cure3 to save my severely beaten ass... sorry guys." Reno turned, returning to his drunken stupor.

"We wouldn't want to beat a drunk man anyways, where is the sport in that?" Beth said, turning her group out of the bar.

"Yeah... that wouldn't be any fun..." Danielle said.

As the group continued on to find some other poor soul to beat up on. Just as they were growing impatient in finding anything to beat, a monster attacked them, not just any old monster, a Midgar Zolom.

"WHAT IS THAT?" Danielle screeched.

"Looks like a Midgar Zolom, but what is it doing here?" Vincent said.

"Ask the authoress..." Cid mumbled, grabbing his spear.

Beth shrugged her shoulders and mumbled, "I can't help it if I lost my Final Fantasy VII Guide for a moment... my room is a mess..."

Danielle glanced at the two of them, "Pardon?"

Beth shook her head, "Nevermind."

Danielle took her sword out and took an Auron (Final Fantasy X)- type stance.

Beth and Sephiroth both pulled out their swords, and Beth, unbeknownst to Sephiroth, removed her pendant.

Nanaki growled and took a stance as well, Kukarui behind him.

The Zolom looked at all of them and sighed, "Why do I even bother getting out of bed?" He asked quietly before striking Beth with his Bite attack.

Sephiroth thought it was funny, until he grabbed his arm in pain. "DAMN IT!" He glared at Beth, who was laughing. Sephiroth grumbled and ripped off his pendant as well.

Danielle look quizzically at each of the twins. "What are they..." Danielle said.

Vincent shook his head, "I have no idea..."

Danielle smirked, "Go fight!"

Without another movement, all three of the 'dead' ones, Beth, Vincent and Sephiroth, walked foreward and started chopping at the Zolom.

Soon, the monster was toasted, and the group stood around.

"That was easy..." Danielle said.

"Yeah? Because you don't fight on your own..." a voice behind her said.

Danielle's eyes widened a she turned around to see another Turk, a female. "Who are you?"

"My name is Elena of the Turks, and I saw you fight, weakling... and I have a proposition for you..."

Danielle was all ears. "Explain..."

"You and me, one on one and no raising the dead..." Elena smirked.

"And if I win?" Danielle said, as the others backed away.

"You get my keycard to the 70th floor of the Neo-Shin-ra Towers... to meet with Rufus, if you'd like..." Elena smirked.

"Wow, she must be cocky tonight." Nanaki whispered to Beth. Beth in turn nodded, as did Vincent and Sephiroth. Beth replaced her pendant in an attempt to show her brother that she meant no harm. Sephiroth did the same.

"What are you? Nuts?" Danielle said, "And if, by some strange chance, you win?"

"Avalanche will leave us alone forever." Elena said.

Danielle thought about it. "Guys is it worth it?"

Nananki thought for a moment. "HUDDLE!"

Inside the huddle, the group talked it over. "You know, if you DO loose..." Vincent began.

Danielle elbowed him hard.

"Not that you will..." Vincent continued.

"Like I asked... is it worth it?" Danielle said, "A 70th floor keycard?"

"Let me use a lifeline..." Vincent said, pulling out his PHS and dialing.

"He'd like to phone a friend..." Beth said.

(And YES! I am working on the next chapter already!)


	5. FOOD FIGHT!

Vincent's phone rang once...twice...

Cloud answered "Hello?"

Vincent's face was dark and without emotion, "Cloud... it's Vincent."

Cloud's voice sounded light and normal, "Yeah, Vince, what's up?"

Vincent growled, "Cloud, don't call me Vince... my name is Vincent."

Cloud laughed, "Okay, Vinnie, what do you need?"

Vincent took a breath and grumbled lowly, "Cloud, is it worth it for Danielle to have a fight with Elena uno a uno?"

"What is 'uno a uno'?" Cloud sounded clueless.

Tifa was heard explaining it to him, "It means one on one..."

Cloud was hesitant, "What's in it for us?"

Vincent glanced at Elena, who was standing just a few feet away, resting her hand on her hip. "Cloud, if we beat Elena, we get a level 70 card key."

Tifa was heard talking on the other end of the line, "And if she was to lose?" Cloud said.

"AVALANCHE leaves the Turks and Shin-Ra alone." Vincent said.

" 'ike sh't 'at'll happen!" Barret was heard on the other end of the phone. "Wit' o' without dar damned permission, we be botherin' dem!"

Cloud laughed at Barret's reasoning. "Yeah, that's right Barret, like it or not, we will be bothering them."

Cid heard that and shook his head. Vincent sighed, "I take it that means you guys like that idea then?"

The other end of the phone was eerily silent.

"Cloud?"

"Uh?"

"You want us to fight Elena?"

"Up to Danielle, really, I have no real say in it, let her if she wants to." Cloud said, hanging the phone up.

Vincent stared at the phone and sighed, "I think he said yes."

Cid light up a smoke and inhaled, "I thin' she should kick some Turks arse!"

Elena stood there, "I'm still waiting damn it!"

Danielle asked the other fighters, "All I need is a Cure materia and a Time... if anyone has those."

That sent the others scrambling for their materia's.

Beth found a Time materia, "It's mastered, so be sure to be careful with it..."

Danielle smirked, "Nah, I was going to use it for a ping pong ball... OF COURSE I AM GOING TO BE CAREFUL WITH IT!" She screamed, causing Beth to fall over.

Vincent handed Danielle a Cure materia, "It's got the Cure3 as well, so go ahead and use it if needed, but be careful, its' got only a few charges."

Again Danielle smirked, "Of course big...er... little brother."

Vincent's face turned bright red. "Thank you..."

Elena was leaning against the wall, filing a nail. "Are you done yet?"

Danielle put the two materia in her bangle and nodded, "I just hope you are ready for me!"

Elena stood up and dusted off her suit jacket.

Danielle stood and grumbled, "Get ready for me!"

The others took off, a safe distance away, but not too far away that they couldn't watch the fun.

Elena started off the fight, casting Confuse on Danielle. It didn't work. Lucky for Danielle, she jumped out of the way just in time.

Danielle cast Haste to make her moves faster.

Elena grumbled and cast Fire2 on Danielle.

Danielle grumbled, and cast Regen to keep her health up. She then was able to cast another attack almost instantly.

"That is not FAIR!" Elena cried loudly,

"It is fair, I used a materia!" Danielle said, setting up to use her 'Flame Wheel' attack.

That attack hit Elena right in the chest, knocking her back.

Elena then used Cure2 on herself.

"Come on woman!" Danielle taunted, "Don't be as weak as you were in the game, put up some resemblance of a fight, will you?"

Elena growled and stood taller.

"Good, good." Danielle said, letting Elena have an attack.

Elena cast Barrier on herself.

Danielle smirked, and cast Slow on Elena.

Elena growled, and made it a note to cast Haste on herself the next round she got.

Danielle hit Elena with an uncustomary Ice3.

"Y...y...y...y...you...b...b...b..b...b...b...b...b...bitch!" Elena said, trying to wipe the thick frost off of her forehead. She then cast Haste on herself.

Danielle cast the enemy skill 'Trine' on Elena. Elena gasped and fell to her knees.

"Have enough Elena?" Danielle smirked happily.

Elena used the Cure3 and stood up, "Never..."

"Persistent bitch aren't you?" Danielle hissed, missing her chance to cast a magic materia at her opponent.

Elena cast another attack, Bolt2. Danielle's hair stood on end, "Shocking!"

Danielle then smiled, causing the others around her that were watching to shudder, she had hit her limit break and it wasn't going to be pretty.

Now, Danielle remembered about the 'no necromancy' rule that Elena had, so she sorted through her limit breaks for some of the attacks that had nothing to do with Death.

Elena stood there, laughing at her, "Have enough?"

Danielle smirked, "Yeah...right," Danielle went into the attack called 'Somebody Fucks with the Wings.' She went into Beserk and attacked Elena.

Elena curled up in a ball. "Call her off! Call her off!"

"Elena, you are weak." A voice on the roof behind her called.

Danielle stood up and smiled. "Enough?"

Reno walked down the stairs and stood in front of the weak and pained Elena, "I say that she has had enough... leave her alone."

Danielle smiled at the Redheaded Turk. "And who are you?" She had forgotten all about her limit break.

Beth came rushing in and stood between Danielle and Reno, a dangerous place to be. Beth spoke, "Danielle, this is Ren of the Turks..."

Danielle smiled, "And why are you standing there? Shouldn't you be here with me?"

Beth nodded, "Sure, we fight playing all the time, we never really HURT him... I wouldn't allow such a thing."

Danielle thought, "What about Elena?"

Beth smiled, "I don't care about that weak Bitch... she could die for all I care, besides she isn't cut out to be a Turk."

Reno smiled, "Call it a night and I'll take you to the Junon Junction All-you-care-to-eat buffet."

Beth smiled, "Vincent, Call Cloud and the others... tell him Reno is taking us out!"

Danielle walked over and looked at Elena. "So..."

Elena looked up at her. Danielle pulled her foot back and gave her a swift kick in the stomach, causing her to groan. "Let's go eat..."

Barret was on his fifth plate of chicken legs.

Yuffie was picking at a salad.

Cloud was eating his fourth slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. Tifa was eating a salad and shaking her head at Cloud, "Don't you eat any real food?"

Cid was arguing with the manager about not being able to smoke while getting his food.

Danielle was sitting with Beth and Vincent. Danielle was eating some wonton soup. Beth was eating some taco salad, and Vincent was sipping coffee.

"I don't believe that the dead actually eat" Danielle said.

"Hey, I am undead...not dead." Beth said, adding another glob of sour cream on her taco salad.

Yuffie and Tseng, who had joined the group for dinner, were arguing about something in Wutanese, Reno was drinking coffee, trying to curb his latest hangover.

Sephiroth growled, "HEY! I want something to eat!"

Cid finally gave up arguing with the manager and sat down beside Danielle. On his plate he had a huge hunk of red, raw meat. Beth curled up her nose, "Cid, how can you eat that?"

Cid smirked, "Easily, like this..."

Barret went up for another plate of food, this time towering about ten sweet potatoes, with butter and sugar.

Yuffie and Tseng were still arguing, eating their stir fry as fast as they could with chopsticks.

Cloud was making himself sick.

Sephiroth was pestering Reno for something to eat. Reno threw him a chicken leg bone, much to the dismay of Barret.

"Hey! Damned Turk! I was savin' those ta count after I got done eatin' them!" Barret hissed, his mouth full of chicken.

"So add one when you are adding them up." Reno said.

Sephiroth grumbled and snarled at passers by as he licked the naked bone. (Sounds oddly yaoi...doesn't it?)

Danielle went to get some red jello, and on her way back, Sephiroth tripped her. She fell face first into her plate, sending red jello flying everywhere.

Sephiroth laughed and reached out to eat some of the jello. Danielle stood up and glared around, "Who did that?"

Danielle looked around for someone to throw her red jello at. She spied Cloud, eating some green jello, and as everyone knows, Red jello is an enemy to Green jello.

SPLAT Red jello oozed down Cloud's temple. He glared around at the party to find out who was eating red jello.

The redheaded Turk was minding his own business when he had a large glob of mash potatoes flung at him, ending up in his hair.

Reno stood up and looked around. He saw that Cid was eating mashed potatoes. So he grabbed his blueberry cobbler and pulled the back of Cid's shirt and threw the glob down, then he replaced the shirt.

Danielle stood up and yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!"

The entire party scrambled for different things to throw.

Yuffie threw her hot soup in Tseng's lap. Reno threw mustard at Cloud, and it landed in his hair. Beth threw a plate of spaghetti sauce at Tifa, and Tifa threw the rest of Cloud's chocolate cake at Vincent.

Soon enough, the whole room was full of flying foods of all sorts.

Barret sat in the middle of the group, eating more and more of his chicken wings. He didn't seem to notice the others around him, except for every once in a while, when he would duck this or that.

Sephiroth sat in his cage, trying to eat whatever little blob of food that fell within reach. He stopped for a moment, "Is this the way that a former God figure is treated in this day and age?"

Beth stopped for a moment, "A self-proclaimed God, but not a really God." She picked up a pizza from the buffet and plastered it in Sephiroth's face.

Tifa was one of the first to reach the buffet, and she scooped up some macaroni and cheese and threw it towards Reno, who dodged, and it flew towards Barret, who dodged, without leaving his plate of chicken wings.

Danielle threw some pudding at Yuffie. Tseng threw a wad of ice cream down Cloud's shirt, and Cloud in turn howled.

Tseng picked up some chicken wings, and threw them towards Cloud. Barret grabbed them and set them on his plate.

In the chaos, Sephiroth trying to eat and Barret avoiding the food fight, someone found a banana cream pie.

That someone was Danielle.

She walked up behind Vincent, who was trying to ward of the onslaught of attacks of either chicken noodle soup or salad or something else and plastered his face with the pie.

Everyone grew silent and laughed at the sight. The manager came out and was more than pissed at the state of his resturant.

The man started to say something, but was caught by the two Turks and several AVALANCHE members.

"Uh...how was your meal?" the manager said happily, yet really terrified.

Cloud wiped a bit of chocolate pudding from his brow and tasted it. "Good."

The manager was left standing in a mess.

Reno and Tseng left for the Shin-Ra mansion, but not before giving the AVALANCHE group the cardkey that Elena had promised.

After the Turks disembarked, the group was left standing in the streets of Neo-Midgar, covered in all sorts of good things. Nanaki was dragging Sephiorth's cage behind him.

"That was fun..." Danielle smiled, grabbing for Cid's hand, but grabbing Beth's.

Beth pulled away in a huff, to walk on the other side of Vincent, where she felt safer from Danielle.

"Yes that was..." Cloud said, as they walked towards the Highwind. "Hey..." He stopped, "Has anyone seen Barret?"

Barret sat in the Junon Junction Buffet, still eating chicken wings, counting the bones of the ones he had eaten. "One thousand four hundred and seventy four... one thousand four hundred and seventy five..."

_(This chapter was done as a request to my most promenade reviewer, and I did finish it in less than 24 hours, which is something for me. I hope that you like it, because it came to me in the middle of the night, I had a dream of Vincent throwing a cream pie at Cloud._

_I am starting on the next chapter soon...)_


	6. Aftermath

Tifa let out a atrocious shout "LAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNDDDDDDDRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Cloud, dressed in just a towel encircled around his torso, was sitting in the same room as the others, all clad in either towels or bedsheets. Cid had a towel wrapped around his middle, Barret, sitting eating chicken wings, had a towel tied around him. Beth sat wrapped in a bed-sheet, and next to her, Danielle, who was also clad in a bed-sheet. Vincent sat on the other side of Beth, wearing a towel. Yuffie wore a long comforter, not moving, not wanting anyone to see her. Nanaki and Kukarui weren't bothered, seeing as they never really wore clothing anyways, but they were getting a good laugh at the humans. Everybody's apparel was in the laundry, and poor Tifa was in charge of laundering them.

Sephiroth, as normal, sat in his cage, but he too was draped in a towel, a dishcloth someone had thrown him as a jest. He was barely concealing himself.

Tifa came storming into the main dining hall, she was attired in two hand towels, hardly concealing what they were suppose to, holding up a pair of white underwear. "CLOUD! What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you WIPE?" She threw the pair of skid marked underpants on Cloud's lap.

"Chocolate Pudding." Cloud said, picking up his underwear and sniffing, then licking the offending stain. This caused Vincent, Danielle and even Beth to gag. Cid grimaced and light up a smoke. Barret gaged on a chicken wing and pushed his plate away.

Tifa turned back to the laundry room, and Beth shouted after her, "Tifa, do you want any help?"

Tifa grumbled, "No, no... I'm good."

Danielle took a moment to peak under Cid's towel. Cid had felt the draft and just glared at the intrusion of personal space.

"Who's idea was it to start a food fight anyways?" Cloud said, "I still have chicken gravy in my hair and I don't even LIKE chicken gravy."

"Do you know how long it's going to take me to get that macaroni and cheese out of my mane?" Nanaki said, scowling. "That stuff is thick."

Beth grumbled, "How about getting ice cream in my gauntlet? I will be lucky if I EVER get this thing unstuck." She made a fist with her gauntlet, not very well, it sort of stuck halfway.

Vincent nodded, "You said it Beth..."

Danielle grumbled, "I got brownies stuck in my wings. The icing gooped up my feathers."

Cid nodded, "I'm sorry, I was meaning to hit Cloud."

Danielle backhanded Cid and turned to face Beth and Vincent.

Sephiroth wailed, "MY HAIR!"

Beth sighed, "We know, we know, you got mashed potatoes in them..."

"Yeah, but I also got a big hunk of half eaten chocolate cake stuck in it!" Sephiroth turned around to show a half-eaten piece of cake with a fork still in it.

"HEY! That's where I put that cake!" Cloud said, walking over and reaching between the bars and grabbing the chocolate cake.

"Cloud, gross... you aren't going to..." Danielle started as Cloud picked Sephiroth's hair out of the half-eaten piece of triple fudge chocolate cake and set down at his chair again.

"And he is..." Beth said as Cloud picked up the fork and put a bite in his mouth.

"AH... good" Cloud smiled.

Tifa came lumbering upstairs with a mixture of clean clothes and cleaned armor. She set down the basket, and didn't notice when her top hand towel dropped.

Sephiroth let out a wolf whistle, and was soon hit by a Dolphin Kick combo by the now topless Tifa. It was several seconds before she realized that she was now... topless.

She quickly grabbed the top part of her outfit and held it up with her arms, "I have Cloud's clothes here and Barret's. And I took a shower, so Barret, your turn." Tifa motioned with her head, "And make sure to get the jello out of you ears."

Barret took his clothes and held onto his bath towel, grumbling as he walked out towards the shower. "Yes Mother..."

Tifa turned around, "What was that?"

Barret scurried on, "Nothing, nothing..."

"Cid, why do you only have ONE shower?" Beth asked, fishing for a response from the now chain smoking man.

"That's all it needs, if we were to stagger our showers... I didn't think that we'd go 'n' start a food fight 'n' all need showers at the same damn time!" Cid said, lighting yet another cig.

Cloud finished his cake and smiled, "A little stale, but good."

Beth wondered, "I wonder what Tseng and Reno are doing... I mean, they were just as bad as we were..."

Flash to Reno

Reno is naked, his back turned, singing in a steaming hot shower, washing his hair as he tries to remove some weirdly placed lettuce and salad dressing from a private place. He is singing 'It's Raining Men.'

Flash to Tseng

Tseng is stain sticking his uniform, his hair in a towel, his body covered in a towel as well. He is just humming.

Flash to the rest of the group

Cloud looked around, "What the fuck?"

Yuffie, over in the corner finished his sentence for him, "Was THAT?"

Beth smirked, "It's called a meanwhile flash..."

Everyone stared at her.

"Nothing, really." Beth said.

Vincent reached up with his flesh hand to rub his temple and finds a wad of dried mash potatoes in his hair. "AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!" He screams. "It is so not fair!"

Beth smirked, "It was fun at the time."

Danielle smiled, trying with pain to dislodge a hunk of dried broccoli soup from her wing, and she ended up a few feathers out in the process. "GOD DAMN IT!"

Barret appeared at the doorway, in his normal clothes, completely cleaned. "Next?"

Cloud hopped up, losing his towel in the process, and hence, flashing everyone.

"Boy... what does Tifa see in that dinky little thing?" Beth said.

"I don't know, maybe she thinks she can raise it from the dead..." Danielle said.

"Hey, I rose Vincent's from the dead..." Beth smiled, and Vincent just blushed.

"T. M. I. Beth, T. M. I." Danielle lit a cigar and inhaled.

Cloud blushed and grabbed his clothes before running off to get into the shower.

Seconds later there was a scream from Cloud that sounded a lot like, "BARRET THAT'S RANK!"

Barret just smirked, "I had to take a dump, so?"

Tifa, coming up the stairs again, just shook her head. "Here, another load... and if you want the remaining people to have any hot water, try to keep the time to a minimum, could you?"

Beth smirked, "I guess we can just wash Sephiroth last then..."

Sephiroth perked up, "What? I can't get my one wing wet, it'll shrink!"

Tifa sighed and walked back downstairs.

Vincent laughed, "Sort of defeats the purpose of wings if you have just one anyways, right?"

Sephiroth threw a moldy fish stick, that he had found somewhere on his body, at Vincent. Vincent in turn dodged and the fish stick hit Beth between the eyes.

"Danielle... care to help me prepare his bath?" Beth said.

Danielle smiled and both women stood and went to the kitchen, to fill a big tub, an old wash tub, with ice to melt.

"Women..." Barret said, "I am going to my room and write to Marlene..."

Cloud came running up the stairs, his hair plastered to his head. "WHO FLUSHED THE TOILET?"

Tifa, from downstairs, heard him, "I did, let the others have some water..."

Cloud shook his head, "I was done anyways..."

Cid went to the shower next, seeing as his clothes were almost dried downstairs.

Beth and Danielle came back into the dining room and grabbed Sephiroth. Beth grabbed his arm and Danielle grabbed his one wing. Together, they pulled him into the kitchen.

"YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT'SSSSSS COLD! IT'S SO COLD!" Sephiroth's screams were heard just moments later.

"Of course it's cold, cold water is good for your hair and wings..." Danielle said, moving some stray ice cubes around to dip a wash cloth in.

"AAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sephiroth screamed again, and in vain, tried to get out of the tub. Beth had a death grip on his arm with her gauntlet. Danielle scrubbed his wing with the icy water.

"See? It's all coming out and your wing looks sooooo soft..." Danielle smiled, flicking her cigar. "Now, for your face."

Sephiroth growled and the howled as the cold water touched his face. "NO NO NOOOO!"

After Danielle had washed his face, she went to his arms and chest, and again Beth had to hold him down in the frigid waters.

But when Danielle washed his legs and his groin, he shut up, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. If it wasn't for the ice water, he may have enjoyed that too much...

"Now for your hair..." Danielle said, standing up and grabbing something off the stove. A teakettle that the women had set on to boil for his hair. Danielle poured the boiling water on Sephiroth's head, making him howl in pain again. "THAT IS SO NOT FAIR!"

The women scrubbed and scoured his body with a Brillo pad and then washed his hair with shampoo, then rinsed him in icy water. By the time that poor Sephiroth had gotten done with his bath, he had been frozen, boiled, frozen, scoured and frozen more. He thought that if it weren't for the fact that he was dead and frozen, his body would have bled from all the scrubbing.

The two women combed out every snarl and tangle in his hair, causing him imense pain.

And by the time the women threw him back in his cage, unclothed except for a towel, he was white and crisp and smelled clean.

Cloud sniffed the air, "Smells like a daisy."

"Oh, we didn't have soap, so we used dish washer detergent on him." Beth said, "And a brillo pad."

By this time, Cid had returned from the shower, fully dressed now, and Vincent had taken his turn. Tifa had just brought up Yuffie's clothes and had told Cloud that Beth, Danielle's and Sephiroth's would be cleaned last, because they were leather.

Sephiroth sat in his cage and sniffed, "I hate daisies..."

Beth sneered, "Get use to them..."

Yuffie laughed, waiting for her turn in the shower, "I like your hair bow though Sephiroth..."

Everyone there laughed, and before the former 'God' could do anything about the pretty pink and purple hair bows tied in his braids, Danielle grabbed a camera and snapped his picture.

Beth laughed, only to be knocked to the ground in pain. She looked up Sephiroth and snarled, he had both of their pendants.

Beth was holding her stomach as Yuffie came around and pulled Sephiroth's charm off his own neck.

Beth and Sephiroth went on to give each other a beating. Beth hit herself in the groin, Sephiroth howled in pain.

"What's up with that?" Danielle wondered.

"If they take off those necklace thingies, the other twin can feel the pain that the other one has done..." Cloud tried to explain, soap suds still in his hair.

"So, if I hit Beth..." Danielle punched Beth hard in the face, "Sephiroth should feel it?" Sephiroht's head flew to one side, and a few stray teeth flew out of his open mouth.

"Yes..." Beth said, not having felt that punch.

"Cool..." Danielle said, "So if I..." her eyes began to glow. "Hit a limit break?"

Sephiroth cowered in the corner, "Call her off! Call her off!"

Danielle didn't listen to him, and suddenly hit her 'Gates of Hell' limit, the one that Cloud had seen, and felt, earlier that day.

Four goat-demons came out of the opening in the floor and beat the living fuck out of Beth, only Beth didn't feel it, poor Sephiroth felt every punch.

Soon, Sephiroth was nothing more than a pile of old mush on the bottom of his cage.

Danielle called of the demons, and Beth put back on her pendant, feeling horrible.

"ANYONE GOT ANY LIFE2 MATERIA ON THEM?" Beth called, "MEDIC!"

Vincent came strolling up the stairs, fully dressed and armed. Yuffie rushed by him in a blur, it was her turn in the shower. Vincent sighed and used the Life2 materia on Sephiroth, "Why do I keep doing that?"

Sephiroth sighed, curled up in the corner of his cage, crying like a baby, "That was so mean... That was so...so... very, very mean..."

"Ah, I thought you looked cute as some cat-vomit" Danielle said.

Yuffie came rushing up the stairs, "NEXT!"

Cloud had ventured into the kitchen for something to eat. Vincent, Cid, Barret, Cloud, Yuffie and Sephiroth had already been cleaned up, so now it was either Beth's or Danielle's turn.

"I am next..." Beth said, running for the stairs, just as Danielle glared at her.

Beth took a deep breath and beamed, "After Danielle, of course."

Danielle walked downstairs, past Tifa, who handed her clothes. Not hers, Cids nightgown.

Beth sat trying to run fingers through her cake icing and mashed potato encrusted hair. She pulled a good handful of her hair out as she pulled her hand away. "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT ALL TO FUCKING STUPID HELL YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH!" Beth screamed.

Cid was even impressed at the woman's outburst. He applauded.

Cloud came out of the kitchen with a cheese sandwich with mustard. On potato roll. Yellow, yellow and oh, yeah, more yellow.

"Cloud likes yellow.." Vincent said.

"No? Really? SAY IT ISN'T SO!" Beth said sarcastically.

Danielle came upstairs wearing Cid's nightshirt.

Cid's mouth dropped open. "W...w...w...why are you wearing my nightshirt?"

"Because... I am not going to be able to clean the leather tonight... not all of it!" Tifa said, walking upstairs to hand Beth and Sephiroth something to wear.

"Joy... isn't this Aerith's old stuff?" Sephiroth grimaced as he held up a frilly little nightie.

Beth nodded, "Yeah, but I got Tifa's nightgown."

Cloud perked up, "What? What are you wearing Tifa?"

Tifa smiled, fully dressed, "I know, I'll just sleep in my clothes tonight, I just had my shower before Beth jumped in, so I'm all set. But leather is hard to wash.

Danielle smirked at Cid, "If I am wearing this... what are YOU wearing?"

Cid's jaw hit the floor as Beth walked by Cid, patting him on the back. "Have a good night Cid."

Cid couldn't speak, he just stared at Danielle.

Danielle smiled, and told everyone "Good night." Then she grabbed Cid by the belt and drug him to his room, puffs of smoke showing the way they went.

Vincent let out a sigh, "Man, I wish I could get some..."

Cloud laughed, "Dead can do that?"

Vincent hissed at Cloud and stood up. "Yes, the dead do get lucky..."

Nanaki thought for a moment, "Vincent... Beth is wearing Tifa's nightgown..."

Vincent smiled, "Of this I am aware..."

Nanaki sighed, "I hope you get what you want."

Vincent groaned, "We may have to, our room is right below Cid's, and I think he may be getting... 'lucky'"

Nanaki laughed as Vincent walked down the stairs to go to his room.

Vincent felt the lid of the coffin open, and felt Beth climb inside. The rhythmical sound on the coming through the ceiling was still going on.

"Vincent, what is that noise?"

Vincent opened his eyes, "Two guesses and the first one doesn't count."

"Danielle and Cid?" Beth snuggled up to him.

"Yeah, and its' disturbing..." Vincent said.

"Well... we could... drown the noise out..."

Danielle grabbed a cigar and a drink from Cid's wet bar. "That was good...thank you"

Cid lit up a cigarette, "No, thank you..." He took a inhale.

Danielle smiled, then she raised an eyebrow. "Cid,"

"Hmm?"

"What the fuck is that noise?"

Cid listened for a moment then slapped his head. "That would be a coffin..."

"What?"

"Well, Beth and Vincent have the room below us..."

"And they sleep in a coffin?" Danielle took a drink.

"That's not all they do..."

"You mean that noise is... them...having..."

Cid nodded.

Danielle came into the chocobo room late in the middle of the night.

"Sephiroth..."

No answer.

"Sephy-sama..."

No answer.

"DAMN IT SEPHIROTH!"

Sephiroth jumped up, "What?" He looked around.

Danielle snuck into his cage.

Ten minutes later, the young ninja was up walking to get a drink of water, when she walked by the chocobo room, and heard something she never wanted to hear in her entire life.

"YES...YES..."

Yuffie's eyes widened and she decided that she wasn't that thirsty after all. She ran back to her room, thinking that Sephiroth was raping one of the poor birds.

"Man, that was so good, even the birds need a cigarette," Danielle said, looking at the birds who were still watching them.

"Uh-huh..." Sephiroth said, his eyes glazed over.

Just as he opened his mouth, Cloud walked into the chocobo stable to feed them for the morning, and saw Danielle and Sephiroth sitting naked Sephiroth's cage.

"Did I interrupt something?"


	7. Doctor Valentine paging

_We now join the show already in progress... There is some SERIOUS Cloud bashing and injury in this chapter, don't like, then don't read it... but it's funny... and there is also Yuffie bashing (Literally) in this chapter as well!_

Cloud stared at the naked duo as they lay in Sephiroth's cage. Danielle was getting mad.

Just then Cid opened the door, and sang to his prized birds, "Good morning! Good Morning! IT's time for break..." Cid just stared as he saw Danielle laying next to Sephiroth, both naked.

"Fast." Danielle finished the word for him and quickly got dressed.

Cloud was turning several different shades of red and purple and blue, without Danielle's help.

Danielle stood up and stared at them, "Do you MIND?"

Cid was so shocked, he dropped his cigarette, something that he only did in the game once. "D...Danielle, wasn't I enough for you?"

Danielle smiled, "Sure, you would be enough if I was just any normal woman, but I am not a normal woman, I am Danielle Valentine, and I have one hell of a veracious sexual appetite that one man alone cannot and should not try to subdue!"

Cid looked at Sephiroth, who gave him a big grin, "Shut your pie hole, before I shut if for you!" He sneered.

"Now Cid, don't be hurting my other partner, or no good-loving for you for another month!"

"B...b...b...b..." Cid shut up.

"Good, now, for this intruder..." Danielle turned to see Cloud with an anime type sweat drop on his forehead.

"Oh..OH! Can I help? Can I help?" Cid and Sephiroth both begged her.

Danielle nodded, "Suuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee you can help me... I need some help with this limit break anyways..." Danielle smiled, "SUICIDE RUN!" then drew her sword and plunged it deep into Cid.

"Fuck" Cid said as he fell flat on his face.

"Now, go fight for me my minions!" Danielle said, unlocking Sephiroth's cage and pointing at Cloud, who was frozen in fear.

Cid raised from the dead, er, passed out state and came towards Cloud, intent on putting his spear sideways up his rump. Sephiroth smiled and would have to fight using his bare hands, seeing as his favorite sword was hidden away from him for good reason.

Beth was passing outside, thinking that the chocobos were being fed and watered when she heard blood curdling screams.

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PUT THAT SPEAR AWAY-AAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Beth was curious and poked her head in to investigate.

There was Sephiroth and a dead Cid, pummeling a mush-like Cloud.

"Danielle..."

She was laughing, still sitting on top of Sephiroth's cage.

"DANIELLE!"

Danielle looked at Beth.

"Can I help?"

Danielle pointed and laughed, "Sure, go right ahead."

So Beth joined in on the pummeling.

Cloud sat in the front of the Highwind, attached to several tubes and four I.V.s. He was in a full body cast, save for the small rag laid over a stratigic place in his anatomy for proper usage. Danielle sat talking to the now alive Cid, and the now caged Sephiroth. Beth and Kukarui were chatting, playing Chess, and Vincent was cleaning his gun, (NOT that gun, his Death Penalty, damn you perverts!) Tifa was sitting next to Cloud, half asleep and Barret was dozing off for a moment and Nanaki was reading. Yuffie was no where to be seen.

Danielle smiled, and sat on Sephiroth's lap, while playing with Cid's hair.

Kukarui smiled, "Check mate again..."

Nanaki thought aloud, "And so... if that is true then..."

Vincent's gun accidently discharged and shot Cloud in the groin. Through his full body cast, Cloud muffled in pain until Tifa hit the morphine button. Cloud was quiet.

Yuffie came bouncing in, being way too cheerful for a Monday morning. "Good morning!"

Beth caught sight of her and grumbled, she wasn't too fond of this peppy youngster, and Yuffie knew it and used it to irk Beth as much as possible.

"Morning Vinnie..." Yuffie said, stopping by the man who had just put his gun away.

"Morning Yuff..." Vincent grumbled, knowing very well that Beth didn't like Yuff-n-Stuff to talk to him. He tried to distract her.

"I had a gooooooood dream last night Vinnie..." Yuffie said. Danielle caught wind of Beth's eyes beginning to glow blood red.

"That's nice, why don't you run along now?" Vincent said, really trying to get her away from him, otherwise she would be hurt.

"Don'tcha wanna hear about it?" She smiled.

"No." Vincent frowned.

"Okay, it was about me, in this rose field, all beautiful yellows and whites and..." Yuffie went on as Beth stood up. Danielle stood up too and stopped her.

"Trust me, I know something that will be entertaining and fun, plus you can hurt Yuffie..." Danielle gave her evil grin.

"And YOU were there with me Vincent..." Yuffie went on, Vincent had cowered deep inside his cape, trying to hide from the ambitious youngster.

Danielle came up and tapped Yuffie on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Miss Yuffie, is it? I want to give you some candy..." Danielle held a bag behind her back.

"Candy?" Yuffie said, "Let me have it!"

Danielle stuffed a big handful of wrapped candy down Yuffie's throat. Yuffie swallowed it with eyes wide. "Wh...what did you just do?"

Beth was behind Yuffie, tying her wrists behind her. She laughed as she finished the knot, "She's turned you into a human pinta!"

Danielle smiled, "And we all get to try to get the candy out of you..."

Beth threw the loose end of a rope around a high beam and then tied the opposite end around Yuffie's secured wrists.

"Second floor, socks, locks, smocks, clocks and liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingerie!" Beth pulled on the rope, suspending the poor girl about ten feet off the floor.

"Get me down from here you old coots! Let me down!" Yuffie twisted and pulled, but those knots held her fast.

"No, not that way Yuffie," Beth said, "We have to get you down in a traditional pinta way."

Yuffie's eyes grew wide, "Wh...what are you going to DO?"

Danielle grabbed Cid's spear and smiled, "Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh who wants to take a wack at our pinta?"

Sephiroth jumped up and down happily, "Me! ME!"

Danielle smiled, "Okay, we each get one hit!" She handed the spear to Sephiroth.

"Hey, aren't you suppose to be, like, blindfolded?" Yuffie called, still struggling against the ropes.

"Rules, smules..." Danielle said, "Besides, it's easier this way." She unlocked Sephiroth's cage.

Sephiroth came running up and threw back the spear.

CRACK right against Yuffie's rib cage, making the sound of a ripe watermelon, the spear hit hard.

"OUCH!" Yuffie cried.

"Okay, whose next?" Danielle said, grabbing the spear from Sephiroth and kicking him back into his cage. The unforgiving bars stopped his forward momentum with no say so from Sephiroth.

"I'd like to take a wack at it!" Barret smiled, "Stupid little bitch always taking our materia!"

Danielle handed the weapon to the now awake Barret, who did an impressive wind up, pitch and...

THUD! the spear hit Yuffie across the top of the head, hence quieting her for several minutes.

"Nicely done Barret, now we won't have to hear her cry..." Danielle smirked, "Who wants to go next?"

Tifa was excited, "Can I try?"

Danielle handed the spear to Tifa, who jumped up high and smacked Yuffie across the back, then across the chest.

WACK! CRACK!

"Nice, but Tifa, each person gets only ONE hit..." Danielle said, taking the weapon back from the other female.

"Sorry, I have 2X Cut equipt..." Tifa blushed.

"Quite alright..." Danielle said, "Cid? You want a wack at this?"

Cid nodded but didn't take his spear, instead he cast Knights of the Round Table. Each and every one of the thirteen Knights got a good smack in.

SMACK!

WACK!

THUD!

CRACK

SMASH!

BREAK!

CRUSH!

BOOM!

WAP!

CRASH!

SMUSH!

SMUDGE

and the big one, King Arthur himself looked at the now creamy Yuffie and lifted his sword high above his head and...

CLANG!

Danielle let out a cry of glee, "I think some of me is wearing off on the boy!"

Vincent's turn came next, he gladly took the spear and smirked wildly at Yuffie.

"This..." He spoke in his normal dark tone, holding the spear like a baseball bat, "is for all those 'Yuffentines' I see floating around the internet..." and with that he drew back and CRACK

The sickening crackling of bone was echoed throughout the entire ship. Nanaki stood up.

"Kindly, kindly, guys, think, our sick bay cannot hold anymore people, so would you please stop making our crew and group resemble common breakfast foods?" Nanaki said.

"Whatever do you mean?" Beth said, smiling, holding the spear.

"Right now, Yuffie is on the verge of looking like runny scrambled eggs." Nanaki said.

"I don't like eggs..." Cid said, lighting up, and offering Danielle a light.

Danielle took the light, "Tough, Yuffie is a brat anyways... our sick bay can handle one or two more..."

"TWO?" Nanaki said, his tail now between his legs, "What do you mean by... two?"

Beth took a crack at Yuffie, and that broke the rope, and sent Yuffie, tied and out cold, flying out of the room.

"Danielle..." Nanaki said, backing away.

"Yes..." Danielle tried to look innocent but was failing miserably.

"D...d...don't hurt me..." Nanaki said quietly, stilll backing away.

"I won't..." Danielle said.

Nanaki wasn't watching where he was going, and ended up backing down into a heater vent, that had been uncovered so it could be cleaned and fixed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." Nanaki's voice faded out of hearing range.

Everyone left in the room laughed, everyone but Kukarui, who took off down the grate after her mate. "I'm coooooooommmmmmmmmmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggggggg ffffffffooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr yyyyyyyyooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu..." Her voice as well became just a whisper.

"Cid, where does that go?" Danielle smiled.

"It goes down to the boiler room." Cid said, taking a drag off his smoke.

"Will they be alright?" Beth sounded worried, "I like Nanaki..."

"They'll be good 'n' fine." Cid said, "I have crew down there and they will keep an eye out fer 'em."

"Good, killing Yuffie is one thing, but killing Nanaki is another." Beth smiled, putting up the chess set.

"Where do you guys want to go today?" Cid asked, taking the ships' controls.

"Hmm mm! Hmm! Hmpt!"

"Right, Cloud says we should go make good use of our 70th floor card key!" Tifa said.

"You can understand that?" Beth looked at her quizzically.

"Sure." Tifa smiled.

"Hmm hmpth! Hmm mm mmmm!"

"He says he will pay me all his gil!" Beth laughed.

"No, he asked if someone could spare a Cure3 or FullCure?" Tifa scowled.

Beth hid her bangle that showed she had a charged Cure 3. "I can't, I don't have Cure materia."

"Nope,"

"No"

"Uh-uh."

"Nope, sorry"

"Negative"

"None on me."

Tifa glared around the room,"Someone has GOT to have a Restore materia on them..."

The room filled with the sounds of 'innocent' whistles, all off key.

"BETH!" Tifa cried.

"Who? ME?"

"Yes, you, come over here and cure this poor man..." Tifa grumbled.

Beth saw the glint in Tifa's eyes and knew better, if she didn't want to become just another kill on Tifa's Final Heaven scoreboard, she'd do as Tifa asked right now. "Fine, fine..."

Beth reluctantly cast Cure3 on Cloud.

Danielle grinned, "Now, we get to remove those casts... Nurse Beth?"

Beth suddenly appeared in a nurse's uniform "Yes Doctor Danielle?"

Danielle was now dressed as a doctor, in bright green scrubs, "Bring me the buzz saw..."

Beth grinned evilly, "Very well, dull or sharpened?"

"Dull..."


	8. Maid up

_We last left the three ring circus as Cloud was about to have his casts removed from Dr. Danielle and Nurse Beth._

Beth ran quickly out of the room and retrieved the dullest saw she could find.

Tifa's eyes grew wide, and she ran out of the room, afraid of what was to come, she made an excuse like, 'she was going to see how Yuffie was.'

Seconds after Tifa left the Cockpit room, screams erupted from the room, echoing in all parts of the ship.

Vincent ducked behind his cloak.

Barret winced in pain as Cloud screamed.

Beth and Danielle, even Sephiroth laughed evilly.

Cid just calmly flew the plane.

Blood soon began to splatter everywhere, all over Beth's nurses uniform and Danielle's doctor's outfit, all over the floor.

Cid got a face full of blood, but just kept on driving and smoking.

Vincent groaned as blood covered the walls in a spray pattern, "It'll take me forever to get this blood out of my cloak!"

Barret saw blood and passed out.

Beth and Danielle were now dripping in blood, Cloud's, and laughing. The poor boy in the chair now looked like something from the local deli, sliced up paper thin.

Cloud moaned softly, "I doubt that woman's ever been to medical school..."

Tifa came back in to witness a horrid sight, "Gods, it looks like an episode of CSI around here!"

Beth and Danielle were scrubbing up from 'surgery'. Danielle smiled, "For Post-op, I need four units of Clorophrom and Dioxide Hydrocloricside!"

Tifa was confused, "Pardon?"

"I don't know what I just said, but it sounded cool..." Danielle said.

"Guys, it's horrible in here..." Tifa said. "Look at the blood..."

Beth looked around, "Oh Tifa, I just LOVE what you've done with the place, it's so homey... you must tell me who is your designer..."

Tifa was far from amused, "We are going to be in Neo-Midgar any minute now, so FIX. HIM. OR. ELSE." She stormed out of the room.

"Damn, even I am afraid of her when she is in THAT mood." Danielle said, wiping blood from her shirt.

"Tell me about it." Beth sighed, casting FullCure on Cloud.

"Guess I better get to cleaning then..." Danielle said, pointing at Beth, Vincent and Sephiroth, "I want this place sooooo clean that you can eat off of it. And DON'T FORGET TO BLEACH!" With that, Danielle whispered in Cid's ear and walked off to his room. Cid landed the plane in a huff and ran back to his room, after Danielle.

Beth was dressed like a old frumpy maid, scrubbing some Cloud blood off of the giant window with a squeegee, Vincent was dressed in a french maid's outfit, scrubbing the seats at the control panel, and Sephiroth, dressed, for some reason, like an elephant fairy (weird imagery, right?) was mopping the floor.

Danielle walked out of Cid's room and smiled, then frowned, "Hey Sephiroth..."

Sephiroth was dancing with the mop, singing 'It's raining men,' he stopped and blushed, looking at Danielle and Cid. "Hi."

"Sephiroth, why, might I ask, are you wearing an elephant costume and then a fairy costume on top of it?" Danielle said.

"There are TWO costumes here?" Sephiroth said, turning around and looking at the fairy's wings over his shoulder.

Danielle smacked herself on the head and sighed.

"Besides, Beth and Vincent got all the good costumes, there were no maid costumes left!" Sephiroth said, "So I grabbed the next one I saw."

Cid looked over at Vincent and had to cover his face to keep from laughing.

Vincent glared at him, "What?"

Cid shook his head, "Nothing... nothing at all..."

Beth looked up from her window washing, "Vincent, your garter is showing."

Vincent turned around, showing his frilly underpants and hairy legs, "What?" He bent over and showed the small little garter on his pale, pale leg.

"That is so very wrong." Danielle said, shaking her head sadly.

"What do you mean it's wrong?" Beth said, "I think it's cute..."

"Oddly..." Danielle said.

Beth and Vincent had cleaned up the room, with Sephiroth's help, and now Beth and Vincent sat in the cockpit, as the crew approached the lair of Rufus Shin-Ra. For some odd reason, Sephiroth was still wearing his Elephant Fairy outfit.

Danielle laughed at him, "Why are you still wearing that ridiculous outfit?"

Sephiroth, sitting in his cage, shrugged, "I like it, it's comfy!"

Cid leaned over to Danielle and smiled, "I told you I was better than some fruit!"

"HEY I heard that, so either shut up or I'll throw my sparkly fairy star wand at you!" Sephiroth waved the girlie pink wand at Cid, threateningly.

"Oh, I'm sooooo scared..." Cid laughed.

Clank!

The small wand flew and hit Cid in the back of the skull, he sighed and made the plane turn sharply, making Sephiroth fly to the side of his cage, eating the bars.

"I..." Sephiroth spit out a tooth, "Hate..." He spit out two other teeth, "you!"

Danielle smiled, "I think you just are jealous, now... shut up!"

Sephiroth shut up, well, not really wanting too, but being forced to. "..." He jumped up and down, clearly irrate about the sudden loss of his voice.

"This is the Shin-Ra tower." Cid said, after landing the airship in his traditional way, of almost crashing.

"Wow... it's so big... well, not as big as..." Danielle said.

"SHALL WE BE MOVING ON NOW?" Beth said, huffing right by Danielle and Cid. Cloud, Vincent, Barret and Tifa followed suit.

"Are you sure it was a good idea to leave Yuffie with Sephiroth?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah, sure, besides, I made sure that Sephiroth won't be lonely." Danielle said.

Flash to Sephiroth

"Hey, where did everyone go?" Sephiroth said, waking up from his nap.

"Hmpth! HMMM!"

Sephiroth turned around and smiled, "Hello..."

Yuffie was secured by the wrists and had duct tape over her mouth. "HMMM!"

Sephiroth got a big grin on his face.

Back to the group

"How did you make sure Sephiroth wouldn't be lonely? He's a dead ex-mass murderer that killed half of the world's population." Beth said.

"I just gave him a toy." Danielle smiled.

"What kind of toy?" Cloud asked.

"Yuffie..." Danielle whispered.

"Shall we continue on?" Cid said, opening the front door to the Shin-Ra tower.

"Yes," Barret said, still wondering what Sephiroth was going to do with Yuffie.

flash

"Oh Yuffie, I love what you've done with your hair... thank you for coming to my tea party..."

Sephiroth smiled as he poured her pretend tea.

"Hmmm! HMMM!"

back to group

The group made their way up to the top floor of the Shin-Ra tower.

"Hey, guys, where would Rufus be?" Cloud asked.

A muffled voice came from the small glass elevator. "I'm here with you idiots on the elevator..."

Cloud continued, "I haven't been to the new tower."

"Can't...breathe..." Rufus gasped for air.

Up on the top floor, everyone pilled out, and Danielle pulled a flat as a pancake Rufus out of the bottom of the elevator. "Hello, who are you?"

"MY NAME IS RUFUS SHINRA!" He screamed.

"Well, if you are going to be rude, I am not going to be so nice to you then!" Danielle threw him under a door and walked off to follow the rest of the group.

Rufus managed to puff himself back to his normal size just as he realized where he was... a meeting he was trying to skip. He sighed and grumbled, "DAMN AVALANCHE!"

Danielle caught up with the others and Cloud asked her, "Did you hear something in the elevator?"

Danielle shook her head, "No, nothing at all."

Cid smirked and then pointed the way, "Rufus' office is over this way!"


End file.
